Real mums, real experience: Breastfeeding is a journey

At Emma-Jane, we want to share the real stories about what pregancy, birth and breastfeeding are like.  The good, the bad and the ugly so to speak. Because we think it's important to know that you're not alone. This week, Laura, a mum of two and blogger at Yummy Mummy Flabby Tummy is our guest writer. Read Laura's story about her breastfeeding journey - and if you're interested in sharing yours, please leave your details in the comment box and we'll be in touch.

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“Are you planning to breastfeed?” asks my midwife. Well, yes I thought I would try. I was handed a leaflet or two about breastfeeding and that was it. As a first time mum I had no idea how hard breastfeeding was going to be. I was naive if I am to be completely honest. You always hear that it’s meant to be the most natural thing on the planet, a mother being able to nourish her baby with her own milk. I thought I would just latch my baby on and off we’d go on a magical bonding experience and a happily ever after Disney ending. When it actually came to it though, it was one of the toughest experiences of my life.

After a long labour filled with pain and drugs, when my son was placed in my arms the last thing I was thinking about was feeding him. I was exhausted, I felt ill and I felt overwhelmed. It was about 3 hours after he was born that I tried to feed him for the first time. It was agony. It was uncomfortable. I was assured my positioning was correct and that the pain I was feeling would subside after a few seconds. It didn’t.

As I continued to try and feed my son, midwife after midwife would tell me different ways of positioning him, whether I should give him both breasts and whether I should wake him up for a feed or wake him if he fell asleep during a feed. My boobs were aching and my nipples were raw. I was surviving on very little sleep and my head was a mess. Conflicting information and advice swirling around my head, I was in tears and honestly didn’t want to be a mum. It was too hard and I was only 2 days in. After 4 days I asked to leave the hospital and go home. After just a week, I gave up and my son was bottle-fed. He was happy and I was happier than I had been.

When I became pregnant with my daughter, I knew I wanted to try and breastfeed again. During the pregnancy I made sure I read as much as I could and watched videos online giving advice on correct positioning and latching on techniques.

When my daughter was born, she was placed on my chest and within a few minutes she was looking for a feed. She latched on straight away and that pain and discomfort came rushing back. I told myself this was normal. I’m not used to her and she is not used to me. I asked the midwife to check my positioning and latch were correct and when she agreed they were, I asked for no more help. I was going to do this my way. With my son, although I was always asking for help, something inside me told me I was doing it right. I just wasn’t confident enough to know and trust my gut instinct.

I took each day at a time with my daughter. The first few weeks were a daze. I was sleep deprived and drained. Thankfully I had a lot of support from my husband. He was there for the first 4 weeks of our daughter’s life and looked after my toddler which allowed me to give my full attention to my newborn. 

Some nights she would wake every 30 minutes looking for a comfort feed. These were the hardest nights and I longed for sleep. I felt like a zombie. She wouldn’t take a dummy or comforter and refused to have a bottle of expressed milk. The one thing keeping me going was my health visitor telling me my daughter was gaining weight every time she was weighed. It wasn’t just an ounce or 2. It was 8 or 9oz every fortnight. Seeing her growing and thriving from being fed by me just made me feel amazing.

I can’t remember when I started to notice that my daughter was sleeping longer at night and feeding less during the day. Each day seemed to flow into another and each week seemed to become a month in the blink of an eye. It just did get easier. I had more time with my son and I could make a meal or have a shower without having to rush. Trips to the shops were without military planning.

My daughter is now 17 months old and I still feed her in the morning and at night. I originally planned to feed her until she was 6 months old however when it came to that 6 month mark I decided to try another 6 months and so on. I’m not sure when I’ll stop feeding her. Definitely before she turns 2! I’m really happy that breastfeeding has worked out this time.

 If you are thinking about breastfeeding then get yourself as informed as you can. There are tons of resources online or over the phone you can use. If you have a drop in clinic with a breastfeeding support worker, then go to them. It’s sad to say but there isn’t enough support for new mums in every hospital whether they choose to breastfeed or bottle-feed. It would be lovely to have a person in the hospital that would be your go to person for any feeding advice so that anything you were told was consistent. Unfortunately not every hospital can have that luxury and not every midwife you come across will have breastfed their child.

Breastfeeding is something that, with any new baby skill, takes time to learn. Trust your instincts, take each day as it comes and do what makes you happy. A happy mum will make a happy baby.

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